My laptop makes a very distinct “bell” sound through the speakers at random whenever it’s turned on. It happens three or four times a day, but never at the same time. Sometimes it happens when I’m using the computer, and sometimes when it’s just sitting there alone. I tried to figure out what was causing it, but I gave up. So, to cope with this I started to pretend that every time the bell rang, something or other happened in the world and I was notified over the Internet. Like, whenever the bell rings, a cow in Montana bumps into an electric fence. Or, an asteroid hits Venus? When the NSA is tapping my computer? Or, when my uncle Melvin whacks off? Who knows?